What A Girl Wants. « Llama Fajita’s Den O’ Iniquity

What A Girl Wants.

Sometimes it’s all you can do to keep from diluting a little napalm into a windex bottle and spraying small children in the face with it.

Was offered a job today…not gonna take it but it was nice to be offered. 12$/hr to drive to Dallas…no thanks. Didn’t do a damn thing ‘cept hide in the back room today and take care of my own section work. Felt good to not entertain for the day. Sometimes the jokes take more out of you than most folks realize. Jesus, that store would be boring if I left. No offense intended to the other folks at the gig…many of them are good goods. But George Carlin just died and with him out of the way I’m having trouble thinking of anyone still alive who’s funnier than me. Dane Cook? Please. Denis Leary? He hasn’t been funny in 15 years.

I wish I could go get some indian food right now. McKinney needs a 24 hour indian joint. That would massage my sack to death right about now.

July 4, 2008 - Posted by llamafajita | Uncategorized | | 1 Comment

1 Comment »

Best I could do was a Thai shop. Had the place to ourselves since every other motherfucker out here has been pigging out on pork and beans and pork and corn. Not even baby corn. Uncle Sam wants YOU to be 900lbs of silverback gorilla by the 4th of July, or he’s taking his stimulation back.

Also, don’t dilute your napalm. It’s bad for the environment, and Al Gore will come shove a penguin in your eye hole.

Comment by Doc | July 4, 2008

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Getting To Know Llama Fajita

Llama is a stripper/lady of the night who enjoys long walks in the park, sunsets, bowling and the taste of fresh AID on her lips. Llama is also an avid collector of all things ‘Bon Jovi’ and once caught a foul ball off the bat of Pete Incaviglia at old Arlington Stadium back in 1988.

The following is an interview w/ Llama Fajita…

WordPress: So, Llama tell us how you got into stripping?

Llama: Well, I really sort of fell into it. I was working at a 7-11, making minimum wage and I had packed on a few extra pounds from spending so much time around the Slurpy machine. A friend of mine invited me out to a club one night to watch her work and after seeing the kind of money she was making, in addition to the workout she got from riding the pole, I decided to give it a shot.

WordPress: And the whoring? When did that all begin?

Llama: Well, the whoring pretty much happened after I’d been stripping for a few months and had decided to strap on a real serious cocaine habit. Seemed like the right thing to do and, since I’m originally Costa Rican, I’m naturally slutty so really, sucking cock for drugs never seemed like THAT big of a deal.

WordPress: You’re truly an inspiration. So, how long have you been here in Texas?

Llama: This time around? About 4 years. I actually started out here in Dallas, then moved around for quite a few years before coming back ‘home’ again. I love it here. I make in an hour what cousins of mine make in an entire month. Plus, the mens here are so much hotter. Costa Rican guys only average 90 seconds before they shoot their load so I love these big, strong redneck types. Go Cowboys!

WordPress: Indeed. And what made you decide on Texas as your base of operation?

Llama: Well, initially it was nothing more than the other side of the river, ya know? But after getting to know the people here, I don’t think I ever had the thought of leaving. Everyone is so nice, unless you’re a transplant from up North. Then, you’re probably a cocksucker. Go home, Yankee!

WordPress: Very good. So, they tell me you’re a big baseball fan. Who’s you favorite team?

Llama: Oh, the Texas Rangers, for sure. They’ve been pretty bad for forever but I think things are starting to turn around. And that Mike Young is a fuckin’ dreamboat!

WordPress: And what’s your take on the whole ’steroid issue’ in baseball?

Llama: I think any drug which has the potential to shrink a man’s junk to the size of an acorn is a terrible, terrible thing. What’s the point of having big, massive arms if you can’t even grab hold of your shit when you’re all alone and rub one out, right? Seems silly to me.

WordPress: Interesting take. So, does Llama Fajita have any charities or causes she’d like to mention before we wrap this interview up?

Llama: Definitely. I’m not only a stripper and a whore but I’m also an activist who thinks our country is going down the tubes with that nasty bastard, George Bush. Vote for Obama! Sure, thus far he’s really nothing more than empty promises and pretty speeches but he’s not 100 years old like McCain and at least he doesn’t have giant cankles like Hillary! Gross!

WordPress: I think that’s the perfect way to end this thing. Thank you very much for your time.

Llama: Thank you. Hopefully, this interview has given people some insight on exactlly what kind of person I am.

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