Gay, Loving It, Loud Guitars, Fuck Me, Please

Found my way to a big show tonight…

The True Colors tour rolled into town this evening and did not disappoint.  Pre-show was spent with a couple thousand of my closest homosexual brothers and sisters (one of whom decided he’d continually fire a couple of bubble guns in the air while clad in nothing more than a rinestone studded dog collar.)  Priceless.

Once the show got underway (opened by the nights host, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’s Carson Kressley), the place began to fill out a little even though the sun was still very much in play (and hotter than a bitch).  They opened with a girl names Lili Hadyn (and her extemely sreechy violin) and Wanda Sykes, who was actually pretty funny.  After Sykes, the main show got started with a bit of a wimper as Andy Bell (Erasure) came bounding onto the stage in a pair of short shorts and a tank top and basically did karaoke to 5 Erasure songs, including their two biggest hits, “Chains of Love” and “A Little Respect”, to a less than enthusiastic crowd.  It just seemed sad, really.  The guy can still hit all the notes, even those high-assed motherfuckers in “A Little Respect”, but the fuckin’ tanktop and shorts just came off as cheap and half-assed.  Nevermind the fact that he was up there dancing around by himself…no band…not a soul…no one…just him.  Jeez.

After Bell skipped(!) off stage after butchering a duet with Cyndi Lauper, the great Joan Jett & the Blackhearts jumped on, coming out onto the stage to the Ramones’ “Blitzkrieg Bop” before tearing straight into “Bad Reputation”.  I don’t know much about anything but I know this:  Joan Jett can still sing her ass off and when she does those cat growls that she’s famous for my fucking pants shoot off my legs, give me head, then kick me in the face.  I have never wanted to fuck a chick more than I wanted to fuck Joan Jett during her performance which, given her particular sexual orientation, would probably make her throw up in her mouth.  Fair enough.  Anyway, she and the Blackhearts powered through the hits (”Crimson and Clover”, “I Love Rock N’ Roll”, “I Hate Myself for Loving You”) and mixed in 3 songs from her new album which didn’t sound too bad, especially one called “ACDC”.  Joan Jett:  Sexiest rocker chick of all time…and could pretty much kick your fuckin’ ass, guaranteed.  Dammit, I love her.

After Joan Jett bailed, the greatness of the B-52’s hopped on and I was more than a little nervous about it.  I had seen some clips of recent performances and let’s just say I was less than thrilled at what I’d seen.  Any bit of trepidation I had going into the show however was completely washed away with their first song “Pump” which is also the first song off their new release, Funplex.  I was blown away at how good Kate Pierson and Cindy Wilson sounded and Fred Schneider controlled the stage like a total pro, jumping and dancing around and making the crowd feel like they were a big part of the festivities.  Since the day had so many acts, everyone was working with a shorter setlist so after “Pump” they followed with “Mesopotamia”, ”Ultraviolet”, “Roam”, “Juliet of the Spirits”, “Love in the Year 3000″ and, ”Love Shack”, before the closing the set with “Funplex” the title track off the new album, and the awesome “Rock Lobster”.  They were the main reason I went to the show and they put on the best show of the night. 

After a brief intermission, Cyndi Lauper hit the stage with “Change of Heart” which jumped right into a song from her new album, Bring Ya to the Brink.  I’m not gonna lie, I’ve never been a huge fan of Cyndi Lauper’s music, but I respect the shit out of her voice and her ability to connect with a crowd.  Straight and Gays alike were eating out of her hand and she jumped around the stage like a 20 year old.  She mixed in a few relatively forgettable new songs with some of her bigger hits like “She Bop” (my personal favorite Cyndi song) and “I Drove All Night” but recieved the biggest cheer of the night when she and the band cranked into “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”.  After leaving the stage she came back for an encore, singing one more new song before going into “Time after Time” and “Money Changes Everything”.  After leaving the stage a second time, she and the band returned, this time with the B-52’s, and sang a cover of Sly and the Family Stone’s “Everyday People” and one of Cyndi’s biggest hits, “True Colors”.  The show closed with everyone on stage and in the crowd celebrating Lauper’s birthday by singing “Happy Birthday” to her.  I’m still not a big fan of most of her music (especially the new, more dance-geared stuff) but she’s a hell of a performer and can still some crazy notes vocally.